From This Week’s WEeding Awards
Jun 2nd, 2008 by Micah Tillman | Start the Discussion |
WEeding Winner 29
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[ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ]
“Sacrifices to the Climate Gods,” by Roy Spencer, National Review Online
A:
“Although we shudder at the thought of such barbaric practices, I believe that we have unwittingly reinstituted human sacrifice in modern times. But while the list of justifications has grown immensely, our new rituals are still performed in the name of avoiding the wrath of the gods of nature.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
The question one wants to ask, then, is, “Is this going to be Mr. Spencer’s letter of repentance, or is he really talking in the first-person plural about something he would never dare do?”
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B:
“Our environmental protection practices have already caused the deaths of millions of people, mainly in poor African countries.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
Wow. Really? Why would we do such a thing?
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C:
“Since we now have the scientific method, we rely on computer models to predict these future catastrophes rather than on our fears and prejudices. While this gives the illusion of modern objective precision, the truth is that all we have done is enlisted one of our modern idols — the computer — to justify what we want to believe anyway.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
First, what a sweet possession that scientific method is, which all of us have. I wonder, did you remember to list “the Scientific Method” among your valuables for home insurance purposes?
Second, how does having the scientific method (observe, hypothesize, experiment, observe, revise, hypothesize, experiment, observe, revise, hypothesize, etc.) lead us to rely on computer models?
Third, do you think, in fact, that Mr. Spencer relies on computer models “to predict . . . future catastrophes”?
Fourth, the final sentence of C is simply too unbelievable. There is no way Mr. Spencer sees himself as a member of the group which uses “modern idols . . . to justify what [he] want[s] to believe anyway.”
It’s really hard to take someone seriously when he doesn’t take the very things he says seriously. (Even when you are like me, and actually agree with him, sans the WEeds.)
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D:
“But we also know that the Martian atmosphere has 15 times as much CO2 as our own atmosphere, and its surface temperature averages about 70 deg. F below zero.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
That was news to me. Did you know that?
Who’s the “we” who knew this, then?
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E:
“Why do we love to believe that mankind is a plague upon the Earth? We view anything and everything that happens in nature, no matter how barbaric, bloody, or destructive, as good.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
That is a question. Why do you love to believe that mankind is a plague upon the Earth, Mr. Spencer? Why do you view anything and everything that happens in nature, no matter how barbaric, bloody, or destructive, as good?
Obviously you don’t.
But you said you did.
Why, Mr. Spencer? Why?
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F:
“If a volcano like Mt. Pinatubo in the Philippines dumps millions of tons of sulfur into the stratosphere, cooling the Earth for two or three years, this is simply Mother Nature at work. If humans did it, we would call it an environmental catastrophe.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
Or rather, Mr. Spencer wouldn’t, but other people would. He just doesn’t want to be too offensive to the people he thinks are terrible, and therefore tries to paint himself as one of them to make it look like he’s being humble. (See, FAQ)
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G:
“And now we are teaching our children to perform their own acts of worship, again hoping to placate the gods of the natural world. Substituting compact fluorescent light bulbs for incandescent ones, and turning the light off when they leave the room, makes them feel good about themselves and their relationship to nature. These rituals being taught in the public schools will help define their still-developing worldviews and religious beliefs.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
Congratulations on your new job! Evidently we’re all public school teachers teaching our own children to become Environment Worshipers.
I wonder how soon Mr. Spencer is going to get fired from his teaching post, after his principal reads his article.
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H:
“We are already causing a food crisis around the world by converting food, such as corn, into liquid fuels for transportation. Now, with the Climate Security Act, we will also be causing additional turmoil at home as the poor struggle to survive in a world where only the middle class and wealthy can afford to live relatively comfortably.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
And now he’s accusing his fellow public school teachers of Crimes Against Humanity! He is so fired!
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I:
“We will, in effect, be sacrificing even more humans at the altar of radical environmentalism in the vain hope that the gods in charge of weather and climate will look favorably upon us, and not destroy us.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
And if only Mr. Spencer had identified the real culprits, instead of spreading the blame around with his WEeds. How are you supposed to stop yourself from committing murder if you’re not the one committing murder?! If there are people who need to be brought up on charges, Mr. Spencer, tell us who they are so we can . . . I don’t know. What is it exactly you want us to do?
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Judgment:
Mr. Spencer’s piece is vitally important. I think he’s correct on every count — if you ignore the WEeds. (“What’s wrong with weeds?“) But since I count thirteen WEedy sentences in Mr. Spencer’s piece, it deserves a WEedy.
WEediness Quotient: [FAQ]
13/5 = 2.6
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