A Short History of Marriage
May 29th, 2009 by Micah Tillman | 5 Comments |
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And now, a short history of marriage, in response to the recent CA Supreme Court decision to not strike down “Prop 8.”
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In Really Olden Times:
Arranged by: The parents of the couple.
Approved by: The parents of the couple.
Performed by: The religious authorities.
Enforced by: The couple’s community.
In Olden Times:
Arranged by: Either the parents of the couple or the couple.
Approved by: The parents of the couple, the religious authorities, and the political authorities.
Performed by: The religious authorities, under the authority of the political authorities.
Enforced by: The couple’s community, and the political authorities.
Back in the Day:
Arranged by: The couple.
Approved by: Her parents, the political authorities, and possibly the religious authorities.
Performed by: The religious authorities, under the authority of the political authorities.
Enforced by: The political authorities.
Today:
Arranged by: The couple.
Approved by: The political authorities.
Performed by: The political authorities, and sometimes the religious authorities.
Enforced by: The political authorities.
One Day:
Arranged by: The couple.
Approved by: The couple.
Performed by: The couple.
Enforced by: The couple.
In other words: One day people will start taking responsibility for their own marriages.
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Comment:
What I find ironic is that so many people think asking “her dad’s permission” is antiquated and sexist, and yet they still ask the suits and pantsuits in their state capitals for permission.
What do a bunch of politicians you’ve never met know about whether you are or are not (and should or should not be) married to someone else they’ve never met?
The amount of power some people give the government over themselves is exasperating.
[ History | Weddings 1 | Weddings 2 | Alone? | Name Calling ]
Micah,
This is very interesting, all your ruminations on marriages and weddings. I appreciate your unpacking the service itself. I am not sure that your “one day” marriage model is a real step forward. Where is the community for the couple to help reinforce their commitment? Is there any accountability anywhere? I am not saying we should go back to having the couple having no voice (which almost always means the woman has no say while the man/fathers/males authorities run the show.) But it is a bit scary to me to see the couple thrown out there on their own. Maybe this is libertarianism at its best. I don’t know much about that. But as a pastor who meets with prospective wedded couples it seems cruel to throw them to each other without any support or counsel. Committing to someone else for life is a huge and difficult task and should be made in consultation with others – family, religious or psychological if not political. My two cents – which by the way I never give to anyone else’s blog. So consider yourself provocative. ;)
Cindy
Unfortunately, the whole thing about asking ‘her parents’ is a sort-of chivalrous thing. Girls will always be “daddy’s little girls.” But, it goes further than just marriage. Boys are expected to ask the girl out (and girls I know find the idea of asking a boy to be wrong) and the father is expected to stand at the door when the boy comes to pick up the girl to incite fear in him.
As for yours (and mine) hope that the couple will be in charge of the marriage, what about if the bride’s/groom’s loved ones can not stand the spouse and realizes that the prospective spouse is not properly suited?
Cindy–
Thanks Cindy! You’re right to point out it’s easier to live a life that’s supported by the people around you — and therefore if you live a life that the people around you support, you’re more likely to succeed.
I . . . I don’t know. Something about the thought of relying on the government to enforce your marriage (as if it were a business contract, rather than a two-way personal commitment) made me want to put things in very stark terms.
I think it’s part libertarian and part Aristotelian. Learn to be a real person, make real promises, and take responsibility for what you promise. Not the same as having no community, fortunately. Aristotle, after all, said that with friends a man is better able to act and think. (He wasn’t a feminist like Plato, but the point’s a good one.)
Seamus–
And chivalry is fun too. It’s the closest we guys get to being able to play Knights of the Round Table, without feeling like little kids.
And good point about listening to one’s loved ones when it comes to making such a momentous decision as getting married. Sometimes what’s right is right, no matter what anybody thinks, but often other people can see things that one cannot see oneself, and it’s smart to listen to them.
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